CHAPTER SEVEN

Mrs Pontellier was always a quiet and shy woman. Her feelings about herself were very modest. At a young age, she had become aware of the two people that live in a body. There's the person that everyone knows and sees, who behaves as everyone else behaves. And there's the other person, deep inside, that watches and asks, "Is this right? Is this who I am?"

But from this summer, at Grand Isle, Edna's shyness started to lessen. The biggest reason for this change was probably Adèle Ratignolle. Her physical beauty was what first got Edna's attention, but then it was her openness that seemed so interesting. She hid nothing from anyone. Something inside of Edna saw this and said, "This is right." Compared to her friend, Edna was full of secret desires and opinions. This suddenly seemed unnatural to Edna and needed to be changed.

One morning, Edna managed to get Adèle to go with her alone to the beach. It was difficult getting her to agree to leave her kids at home, and she still insisted on bringing her sewing with her. And it was no small wonder how they managed to avoid Robert.

The walk to the beach was not an easy one. It was quite far and the path was occasionally covered in small weeds that had to be walked around in order not to lose your shoe. Along the way could be seen many yellow flowers, and vegetable gardens, as well as fields full of orange and lemon trees.

Both women were tall, however, their bodies had a very different shape from one another. Madame Ratignolle's beauty was much more obvious than Edna Pontellier's. In fact, most people would pass their eyes over Edna without taking another look. They would have found her quite unimpressive. However, those who took the time to look at her more carefully would discover something attractive about her. Although, it would be hard for them to describe what it was that made her attractive. Her beauty was special and could not be found in anyone else.

Madame Ratignolle wore clothing that protected her skin from the sun and the wind. She was very careful about keeping her beauty. She dressed all in white to keep her from being hot. Although she covered herself up in this way, her beauty could still clearly be seen.

Along the beach were many bathing cottages. Each one had two sections inside. Each section belonged to a different family. Coincidentally, the Pontellier and Ratignolle families shared the same cottage. Today, however, the two women had not intended to bathe. They only desired to be near the sea.

Edna entered the Pontellier section of the cottage and brought out a small carpet, which she then laid on the front porch, facing the sea. She also placed two large pillows against the back wall of the porch so that they could sit up and look out at the water.

They sat down, hidden from the sun, and made themselves comfortable. Madame Ratignolle tried to keep herself cool by waving a fan in her face, while Edna unbuttoned the top of her dress in order to let the air in. At first, they did nothing but make comments about the temperature and the brightness of the day. The wind then became stronger and began to blow the women's dresses, causing them to change their sitting position and fix their hair. It was quiet on the beach. The only other people there were a couple of young men who were playing in the water, an old woman reading in front of another cottage, and two young lovers talking under a tent.

The day was so clear, Edna could see far out in the distance. There were sailboats out on the water. They looked like they were not moving.

"Whom are you thinking about?" Adèle asked, while laughing a little to herself. She had been looking at her friend's face, which had become so still that she seemed to be made of stone.

"No one," Edna answered. Then she added, "I hate it that people always answer this question in this way. If I take a moment, I might actually remember what I was thinking about."

"Forget it. I don't have to know every thought that goes through your head. Besides, the heat today makes it difficult to think clearly."

"No, I might enjoy remembering, actually. I was thinking about how the sea seems to just keep going without end. And those boats out there. They make such a lovely picture, don't they? Oh, and the wind's warmth reminded me, for some reason, of a time when I was young and walking through an area of tall grass in Kentucky. The grass was so high it came up to my chest. It was like being in water, actually. I felt that I was almost swimming in the grass!"

"Were you going anywhere?" asked Madame Ratignolle.

"I don't recall. I might just have been walking. I remember thinking that the field, much like the sea here, never ended. I can't really remember how it made me feel. Maybe I was a bit afraid. Then again, maybe I quite enjoyed it."

"It sounds similar to the way I used to run away from church. It always frightened me the way my father read through the bible in such a serious voice. Did you use to do the same thing?" asked Madame Ratignolle.

"No. I did not think much when I was a child. I just did what I was expected to do." Then suddenly, she leaned over to Madame Ratignolle and said, "I don't know why, but lately I've felt like I'm crossing the field again without thinking about anything and without knowing where I'm going."

Ratignolle put her hand on Edna's. Noticing that she didn't take it back, she patted it a little bit amusedly and then whispered, "Poor friend."

Edna did not quite understand her action, but she eventually accepted it as Creole kindness. She was not the kind of person who liked to share her feelings with others. As a young girl, she and her little sister, Janet, always fought. Her big sister, Margaret, was like a mother to them, because their mother had died while they were still very young. She also did not like to show much emotion. And all of Edna's friends were shy. Her closest friend was one of the most intelligent girls in her school. She liked to write, and they would often talk about their favorite books together. And their conversations sometimes even became quite serious, especially when talking about religion and politics.

Edna was bothered by a particular habit of hers. It first showed itself when a handsome officer had come to see her father. She was very young at the time, but she still found herself falling madly in love with him. She always had to be near him and she found it difficult to stop looking at him. But he eventually went away and never returned.

Another time, she fell in love with a man who was engaged to be married. The lucky fiancée lived next door to Edna, actually. And occasionally she and this man would come over to visit with Margaret. It made Edna sad to see how unimportant she was in this man's eyes. He obviously did not feel anything for her. And he, too, eventually went away, never to return.

Years later, she started to love a famous writer. This man had, of course, died a long time ago, but that did not stop her from imagining his face and body. She felt that it was the most she would ever love anyone. The impossibility of it made her love seem even more real than before. She kept a drawing of him on a table in her bedroom. No one ever thought it strange, for it was perfectly normal to admire a famous writer. She would always praise his work while passing the picture around her friends to look at. But when she was alone, she would sometimes press her lips against the great man's face.

She did not mean to marry her husband, Leonce. He met her and fell in love almost immediately, which is quite common for men to do. At the time, Edna was still in love with the writer. However, Mr Pontellier dressed very well for her and always praised her. She enjoyed this and it made her start to think that maybe they were suited for one another. Of course, this was not true, but she could not have possibly known that then. The fact that her father and older sister disagreed with the relationship only made her want it more.

Ideally, she would have liked to marry the writer, but this was impossible. Instead, she could marry a man who was crazy about her and that would have to be enough.

Over time, she began to like it that her feelings for Leonce were not dominated by unrealistic romance and passion. She found something comforting and natural in that.

Her feelings for her children were not always the same. She loved them, of course, but there were times when she hardly ever thought about them. When Edna spent the summer before alone with her grandmother, she often liked it that her children were not around. It was nice not having to deal with them. Sometimes, however, she would suddenly miss them greatly. But that moment would pass and soon be replaced by a sense of comfort and freedom.

Edna did not share all of this with Madame Ratignolle that day they were sitting on the beach together. But some of it did come out as she put her head on her friend's shoulder and enjoyed the feeling of being open with another person.

They then heard some people coming. Robert soon could be seen walking with a group of kids. He was, of course, looking for the two women. He had both Edna's and Adèle's children with him. Edna got to her feet, put the rug and pillows away, and then began to play with her children. Madame Ratignolle asked Robert to help her walk back to the house, since her legs were hurting. She put her arms around his waist and they headed back, away from the sea.

(end of section)